How I Met Your Mother Season 9 (Very Early) Preview: What We Know So Far

Are we done gasping over the reveal of the mother? Are we? Good. She’s cute, right? If you don’t think so, bite me.

The show’s decline in quality was marginally excused with the season finale’s bombshell reveal, a reveal that I never thought we’d get until the very end. It was enough to keep us long-suffering, die-hard fans’ appetites satisfied in order to endure one more grueling year of fast pans and more storylines from previous seasons to wrap up. Even the coat check girl was wrapped up. Is there any left?

Here are the few things we know for certain. Be prepared for September.

1) The whole season will be Robin and Barney’s wedding.

Carter Bays and Craig Thomas are reaaally stretching the flashback concept. According to various blogs and entertainment sites, the entire season will temporally take place over the weekend of everyone’s favorite (?) dysfunctional-yet-still-functional (??) couple’s wedding. I thought their first try at romance was botched, and was underwhelmed when it was revisited and finally… well, finalized. Still, I had the lingering feeling they would have ended up together. “Aunt Robin,” “Uncle Barney,” words we’ve heard from Bob Saget Future Ted many times and for many, never made the connection. I did though, so ha. HA HA HA.

But yeah, the entire season, will be one weekend. This bit of news drew a heavy breath of “fine, whatever” from me. I believe it can be good, there’s just a lot of work ahead of the writers to satisfy fans.

We’ve been waiting for this for eight years, by the way. And if you didn’t watch it for eight years, your marathon on Netflix sure felt like it, didn’t it?

2) It really is the final season.

For realsies, guys. No surprise renewal. No spin-off like How I Dated Your Mother planned (yet (officially (I hope))). Once Ted meets the mother, it will be the end of an nine-year odyssey. By the way, the Starship Enterprise had a five year mission. Ted told his in NINE.

3) The mother isn’t “Bump Girl”

There’s a pretty stupid fan theory circulating that “Bump Girl,” the girl Ted bumped into at the St. Patrick’s Day party in season three, was to be the mother. Apparently because “she was there,” but A) Ted said he didn’t meet her that night B) read the next item C) really, read the next item, and D) They wanted to throw you off.

That’s my really strong and educated guess. The producers wanted to throw in a pointless hook whose only existence was to get fans talking. And it did, so “Bump Girl” was a success. But she’s not the mother. Enough.

And neither is Robin, or god damn Lily. Stop speculating.

4) WE KNOW THE MOTHER.

HOLY ZORDON BATMAN. I don’t care if you’re done, I’m still reeling!!!! WE HAVE A MOTHER! No I do not have mother issues.

Think of it: It was a secret kept hidden in nearly a decade. How do you do that in the age of social media and intense scrutiny? I applaud the producers for one thing this season and it was that their payoff was, I hope in their eyes, met. (Heh, get it? No? OK.)

Cristin Milioti may have kind of looked awkward against the glass of that ticket vendor, but I swear she’s as cute as a button. Some of my friends expressed disappointment that the “dream girl” had “zombie eyes” (not my words, I swear). But in my opinion, she’s absolutely perfect. Ted never was the type to date models or woo girls. What woo girl do you know plays bass and paints pictures of robots playing sports? She’s everything Ted wants and deserves, and just looking at her, she fits him like a glove.

She was also in the award-winning Broadway musical, Once.

Before the premiere in September I’ll explore my hopes for the character. I truly hope she’s not some lifeless caricature, a reward for internet nice guys to dwell in vain hope for in their personal lives. I hope the mother, the titular character of one of TV’s best shows (at one point), actually has personality that stacks up to the character juggernauts of Ted and the gang, arguably TV’s best core cast rivaled only by few. I love Greendale Community College, but maybe not as much as the patrons of MacLaren’s Pub.

Kind of hard to think we’ll be going there for the last time this year. Until September, friends.

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