“Bro, I’m Sorry, But Your iPod Sucks.”

One should never underestimate the power of the bromance. Bros are great. Bros are important. There’s a reason why it’s a popular trope in pop culture: Romeo and Mercutio, Kirk and Spock, Hiro and Ando, Sherlock and Watson, Shawn Michaels and Triple H, Han and Chewie, Batman and Robin, Goose and Maverick, Turk and J.D., Ken the Eagle and Joe the Condor, Mario and Luigi, do I continue? I’m personally blessed to have plenty in my life that I can confidently call a bro. Hell, one of them can do a Wookie roar! But there comes a time when brothers from another mother are torn apart. And the demon behind this witchery?

The devil himself.

Like women, money, and fame, music is the devilish catalyst that can turn the best of brothers from other mothers from this…

…into this.

Music is the, uh… [mumbles something] …to the soul! It speaks to us on such a deep level, even deeper than movies I have to admit. There’s a reason why people download music they hear in movies, and not the dialogue. Music defines us. Music carves out our identities. From an artist or band whom we follow loyally, to the one song from a pop band that reminds you of someone or something. Our iPods are not only a time-killing tool, they’re a record for who we were and are. Like scars, or tattoos. They tell a story.

This one is “War & Peace.”

Rejection is a horrible thing. When people are rejected by a crush, they have not only turned down an invitation to dinner and a movie, but an invitation to their lives. At least, that’s how we subconsciously interpret it. You know, subconsciously.

To be told “Yeah, you’re not good enough for me,” kind of hurts. It’s why many guys (and girls!) are actually afraid to ask that special someone out. They fear being hurt on multiple levels.

Now look at the bro. Or “girlfraaand” for you ladies, although I’m speaking from a guy’s perspective (please feel free to chime in at the comment box BELOW!). You’re already close on a specific type of relationship. You’re brothers, comrades until the end. You hope for acceptance in a very similar way you could with a paramour, just without the insertion of any bodily parts (hopefully. I mean, this one time in Tijuana…) So what happens when that “bro” rejects your life, your story… your music? What happens?

Nothing. And that’s a problem. Or is it?

Based on my own experiences, I think you should be blunt and tell your bro/girlfraaand that their music straight-up sucks. Sucks, sucks, SUCKS!

Or, no, not like that. Don’t do that. That’s bad. Take it easy. You don’t approve of their music. So what? It’s not like you’re smashing their iPod in half. As much as you would like to, resist. Put up with the car ride home and listen to your music when you get home all you want.

But is that healthy? In future hang outs, you end up dreading spending time with that bro in the car, having to listen to their music library (read: life) when you would rather jump out of the car. There comes a time when you should confront your bro, end all headaches when they try mercilessly to get you to download this band’s awesome album bro you should really listen to it it’s really really good I mean wow I know you don’t like the genre but c’mon bro it’s great.

Is expanding your horizons a good thing? Absolutely! I’ve found many a great band thanks to the suggestions of my bros. I wouldn’t be listening to The Fratellis or The Black Keys if it weren’t for my bros. But for every band you accept, there will come one or two or seventeen you will reject because oh my God how much louder can this shit get? When that day comes, just look them in the eye and tell them.

“Bro, I’m sorry, but your iPod sucks.”

It sucks to be on the receiving end just as much as it is to send it. You shouldn’t hate something about your friend, but if you were a true friend shouldn’t you be honest? Music is a powerful bonding tool, if I Love You, Man is to be believed. But if you can transcend something as trivial as a differing taste in music and still be best friends, then maybe the friendship is stronger than you think.

Wait, what? You don’t like Bowling For Soup? What the hell, bro?!

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2 comments

  1. Joey and I rarely ever agree on music, and admittedly, we do get into small spats about it from time-to-time, mostly they’re my fault because I’m a snob, but that’s just what they are: small spats that matter little. As much as I would like to bond with him over some songs that share a significant meaning to me, I know they would not be the same for him.

    He’s just about the only exception though. I usually hang out with people who like the same music with me. We don’t go looking for that specifically, but it just happens.

    1. Eric James · · Reply

      I do think it’s great to bond over something like music. The nature of music lends itself to creativity, to shared experiences, etc. It’s something you just can’t get out of video games, TV, etc. It’s unfortunate I sometimes can’t share in the music experience with particular friends, a hangout turns into a pissing contest to see whose music is better or not.

      I wish it didn’t matter and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t, nor should it. But it does happen.

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