Full disclosure: I’m watching Disney Channel as I type this. I was searching for inspiration on what to write, and it showed up wearing cartoon-mouse ears. Currently playing is some program (of which I don’t know the name) that appears to be attempting to be Saturday Night Live for kids. So, pretty much, a lame SNL. After about five seconds of a sketch, they introduced their musical guest (whose name I also forgot) who immediately starting playing a piano and pouring his heart out to some nameless girl.
The thing that mainly pisses me off is the kid can’t be any more than, oh, let’s say, ten.
He’s young! You can even hear it in his voice. He is NOWHERE near puberty and he’s singing how he loves this girl with all his heart and he’s going to be “waiting outside [her] window” (wow, that sounds creepy typing that out) or something along those lines. And it’s starting to hit me how phony all of this is.
Pop music has always been a big pack of lies wrapped in a pleasing four-chord pattern and, as of recent, thrown in with a dash of pitch-correction.
But at least the lyrics were believable, if a bit unimaginative. When Katy Perry (or whoever) sang about love (or making out with other chicks), you could at least think, “Well, she probably has had a couple boyfriends, and they probably have ended in heartbreak”. But when it looks like the guy or girl singing hasn’t been on the planet longer than the new millennium, it’s very, very hard to believe they haven’t had a heartbreak that didn’t take place somewhere in the vicinity of a jungle gym. And that doesn’t count, goddamn it.
But it’s all about writing what’s popular, or what sells at least. And sad love songs sell because people, no matter how many relationships they’ve been in, can empathize. Even if you’ve never been in a relationship, the music will still make you sad because that’s how the music is telling you to feel.
I get the fact that it’s stupid to write on shallow pop songs that people aren’t going to remember anyway, but if you’re going to write a heartbroken-love song, at least have hit puberty. Please?